Think Outside the News: Survey reveals 86% would let Jeremy Clarkson shag their mum

More than four-fifths of the British public would still want the BBC to reinstate Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson even if he shagged their mum, a new study has found.

Despite indulging in casual racism, punching people in the face and generally acting like an arsehole for years, a petition in support of Clarkson has garnered one million signatures.

Jeremy-Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson: Probably doing your mum.

Rob Vicars, a Tonka Truck collector and Jeremy Clarkson fan said: “So what if he punched someone in the face? He’s bloody hilarious. Like when he calls Mexicans lazy or recites racist nursery rhymes. What has this country come to if we can’t give the freedom to do whatever the fuck you like to the richest and most influential people in society?”

Other celebrities that respondents considered to be above the law included Terry Wogan, Bez from the Happy Mondays and former Match of the Day presenter Des Lynam.

“It’s political correctness gone mad,” said Rebecca Dudley, a casual racist from Northampton, before wandering off to throw rocks at other rocks.

The study also found that 52% would let Jeremy Clarkson spit on their shoes, and that 24% would let him kick their nan in the shins.

The Indomitable ‘First Blog Post’ Post

So here we are.

Zero hour on my new blog ‘Think Outside the Box’ and there are at least four people who have been eagerly awaiting the first entry on what will be the world’s 48,956,013th blog about TV and film. As they cling onto their specially produced TOTB-debut post commemorative memorabilia – including mug, t-shirt and decorative plate – and wondering what the bloody hell I’m going to be writing about anyway, it is likely that the disappointing realisation that I will be writing in the same self-deprecating style as everyone else always does, like a shit Charlie Brooker, will soon begin to dawn. Continue reading