TRAILER TRASH: Jurassic World Special

Just like the syringe that penetrated that droplet of tree sap and brought the dinosaurs back to life over 20 years ago, Universal are resurrecting the Jurassic Park franchise with what is sure to be next summer’s biggest blockbuster.

The original inspired a sense of awe and wonder in an entire generation, and so it is unsurprising that the world took a collective shit when the trailer for Jurassic World dropped this week, but TOTB can’t help feel that the hysteria-excrement will just end up on all of our childhoods.

So why such cynicism based on a 2 minute trailer?

Part of the problem from the off – and this is in fact not the fault of the film itself – is that modern CGI has rendered seeing incredible things on the big screen no longer that incredible. Jurassic Park was released in a pre-Marvel world, before the special effects movie boom of the late 90s (think Armageddon, Deep Impact, Godzilla and Independence Day) made witnessing big stuff getting blown up routine, while the pseudo-science within the narrative actually had you thinking – if you were young, or stupid, enough – that it could really happen. Jurassic World will not have this in its favour.

Still, Guardians of the Galaxy was a feast of visual effects and that was bloody great fun. And look, there’s Chris Pratt playing the same sort of loveable rogue that we loved in Marvel’s surprise hit this summer.

Of course one of the best things about the original was that the ground-breaking CGI was actually used quite sparingly, and one of the early criticisms of the new trailer is that they seem to have gone in the opposite direction. Director Colin Trevorrow has come out and defended the film claiming that some of the scenes were created especially for the trailer, but then even if the effects prove to be solid, there’s something about the plot itself that just feels a little bit late-night Sci-Fi channel.

John Hammond

John Hammond: misses Jeff Goldblum

Everything appears to be going just splendidly at Jurassic World, with all kinds of entertainment for the whole family including driving around in glass spheres right underneath the enormous feet of brachiosaurs and watching, what we can only assume are big whales, eating dead sharks.

Frankly their insurance premiums must be ridiculous – and why? Because dinosaurs are fucking dangerous. They’re fucking dinosaurs. So why oh why did Trevorrow and Derek Connolly (screenwriter) feel the need to make the main prehistoric antagonist a ‘genetically modified hybrid’? Aren’t velociraptors – such terrifying enemies in the original – and Tyrannosaurus Rex, menace to cups of water everywhere, not enough?

Apparently “she’ll kill anything that moves”, which is the sort of generic monster movie trope that you’d expect from Zombie Shark versus Ghost Baboon, not a reboot of one of the world’s favourite science fiction franchises. June 12 is when we’ll find out whether the DNA of Jurassic Park should’ve been left in the sap.


 

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