Think Outside the News: Child abuse okay if you’re a generally top bloke

Touching kids and generally being a bit rape-y is okay as long as you are a national treasure or all round top bloke, it has been revealed following the second arrest of Australian Wobble board enthusiast Rolf Harris for sexual offences.

The entertainer received multiple standing ovations during his comeback show in May after he had been arrested for the first time.

Rolf Harris @Sheffield Doc/Fest 2010

TOTB would let him touch it too. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“I wasn’t sure about going to his live show following the sexual offences allegations,” said Sarah Cheeseman, a 33-year old Kit-Kat tester from London.

“But then the tickets cost £14 so I thought I better use them and it was fantastic! The way he kept saying ‘sheilas’ instead of women and his general friendly granddad persona made me forget about the whole sorry business.”

However the news has left some Harris fans feeling uneasy.

“I have the entire Animal Hospital box set on DVD that I hadn’t watched yet and now I don’t see how I can. I’ll have to put it in that box in the attic with my Lost Prophets CDs and Jimmy Saville novelty alarm clock,” said Bob Straciv, a 24-year old door knob maintenance engineer from Leamington Spa.

“I’ve been left considering the darker hidden meanings of his songs ‘Tie me Kangaroo Down, Sport’, ‘Two Little Boys had Two Little Toys’ and that one about the creepy bloke with his ‘extra leg'”.

Mr Harris’ advisers are apparently suggesting he uses the Roman Polanski defence that ‘it was the 70s and it’s just what went on’.

A recent survey conducted by InappropriateSurveys.com found that other celebrities who would be forgiven for being a massive sex pest included Bruce Forsythe, Ronnie Corbett and the late Terry Nutkins.


 

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