For the many satellite television customers up and down the country there are somewhere around 700 channels to feast the eyes upon. A veritable cornucopia of programming output that tragically, though quite often understandably, barely enjoys the warm fuzzy feeling they get when they realise someone might actually be watching.
Well as far as Think Outside the Box is concerned it simply isn’t right, and in Tales from the Other Side I will be venturing into the darkest corners of the TV guide so you don’t have to, and reporting back the full extent of the horror that I bare witness to.
And that horror starts with Tommy Walsh of the 1990s in Tommy’s Fix it Yourself over on Discovery Shed. Fortunately the connotations of that particular title (presumably it was decided on before Jimmy Saville turned out to be every bit the paedophile he appeared to be) aren’t replicated in the actual show, as the ever-affable Tommy helps home owners complete big DIY projects while saving a bit of money in the process.
This episode sees Tommy giving Dave and Corinne a hand with their loft conversion, utilising his standard combination of cheeky cockney charm and sensible polo shirts to give the impression of a man who you would both share a pint with and trust to lay some paving slabs, and its got Dave’s heart all of a flutter. He can’t hide his love for the man as he insists that he just doesn’t want to “let Tommy down”, embarrass himself with his shoddy spirit-levelmanship or let Tommy discover the false wall that leads directly to his Ground Force fetish room.
Despite all the homo-eroticism its all very manly, and speaking of men being men, Man v Food on Home doesn’t get much more masculine. Despite the show being tucked away down the listings I’ve actually heard quite a lot about Man v Food before without ever having watched it. This time out Adam Richman (the ‘Man’ in question) is taking on a serious amount of pancakes and, should he finish them within an hour, he’ll be only the fifth face on the Wall of…. people who have eaten a lot of pancakes.
The show left me with two conclusions. Firstly that America has too much food and secondly that Adam will be dead in about 5 years.
If he does finally succumb to that heart attack he’s been working towards then perhaps he’ll end up on the mortuary slab of Dr. G: Medical Examiner (Home & Health). It’s a show all about finding out how people’s loved ones died and is presented in a similar tone to that of Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.
Tonight Dr. G is looking into the case of Natalie, a wife and mother who has been found mysteriously dead in her bed, and it is her job to get to the bottom of it with all the gleeful abandon of a Bargain Hunt antiques expert.
For all its flippancy though it is at least mildly exciting – if you’re into watching corpses have their heads cut open – which is a lot more than can be said for Insane Coaster Wars on the Travel Channel.
The premise of the show is for a group of roller coaster enthusiasts to ride some of the most exciting coasters in the world and then choose a winner, and if you thought watching strangers ride roller coasters before deciding which inanimate collection of steel was their favourite sounded dull, wait until you watch it for five minutes.
The eventual winner was Cedar Point’s Millennium Force, for reasons that no one has ever cared about, ever.